Mediation Monster Mash-up


To quote Frankenstein’s monster, FIRE BAD. Mediators take a different view. We fearlessly go toward the heat in conflict, giving our clients a safe space for tough conversations…no matter how scary. Here’s a round-up of my Halloween tweets quoting mediators working with monstrous, er, misunderstood, clients.

“So you want your brain for thinking — and you want his brain for food. What I’m hearing is that brains are important to BOTH of you.”

“This sounds like a really grave issue, Count Dracula. see, mediators love puns…agghh that hurts…fangs for nothing…still got it…”

“Thanks for asking if i like Chianti, Dr. Lechter, but it’s not about me. also, could you please clarify what you meant by fft fft fft fft?

“I notice you’re being really quiet today, Jason. anything you want to share? am i right in guessing that hockey is important to you?”

“Pleased to meet you, Mr. Kruger. I, er, have a cold — mind if i don’t shake your hand?”

“So shall i address you as Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde? both? Hoo boy this is going to be a long session.”

“Apologies, Mr. Tut, I’m not a therapist…oh, ‘mummy’ issues…”

“So, Dr. Frankenstein, mr. monster — shall we try to stitch an agreement together? Get it? Stitch? Anyone?”

“Yes, Mr. & Mrs. Munster, we have a lot of experience mediating with mixed families.”

“Absolutely, Mr. Mummy, mediation is a confidential process…we’ll keep everything said here under wraps. HA, NAILED IT!”

“Mr. Igor, you were saying you had a hunch?”

“Just to clarify, Dr. Lechter, when you say you’d like to ‘have mr. jones over for dinner’…”

“My apologies — I’ll be glad to reframe ‘werewolf’ as ‘Lupine-American’.”

“Thank you for clarifying, Dr. Frankenstein. by ‘brainstorming’ i didn’t mean using lightening to re-animate your monster’s brain.”

“We have just a few ground rules…..and also some round ghouls…..”

“Thank you for sharing, and please help me understand what you mean when you say BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA?”

“We help unwrap conflicts free of charge. Unwrapping mummies will cost you extra.”

“Unlike Dracula here, we love our stakeholders.”

Okay, Enough from me. Feel free to add your own. Happy Halloween!


9 thoughts on “Mediation Monster Mash-up

  1. “Of course you can lie in your coffin, Count, if you can’t stand being in the same room with her, and, yes, I’m confident that we’ll nail it by sunrise.”

  2. Great, Brad. Thx.

    We could do it that way, Mr. Congress. But sometimes we do it a different way in mediation. Suppose we separate out the country’s needs and interests from your positions. If we did that, would you be OK trying to focus on needs and interests? I know it’s different from what you’re used to, but after all, you’re in mediation because what you’ve been doing so far hasn’t worked, right?

    Happy Spooky.


    Charles M. Newman
    Attorney | Mediator | Arbitrator
    500 Fifth Avenue
    Suite 1610
    New York, New York 10110
    Tel: (212) 332-3321
    Fax: (212) 685-7135

  3. Did I hear you correctly that your main issue is with your dad…Sam?

    I’m sorry, Norman, but Mrs. Bates is no long able to enter into mediation with you.

    But Mr. Cheney, Saddam is not longer willing to mediate the issue of WMD.,

  4. So, what I’m hearing, Dr. Frankenstein and Igor, is the items you’d like to discuss further and later brainstorm about are:
    1. Communication
    2. Parts and Labor
    3. Defective Goods

    Great. Igor can you tell me more about “Abi .. something”?

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